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Kuyashii

April 4, 2017

 

Kuyashii:  

A Japanese term meaning to use the words of doubters as a fuel for success.

 

Part 1:  The Struggle Bus

2016 was a wild year for me in weightlifting.

 

To start, I won the -69kg class at the  Canadian Championships.   I did not see that coming.  At first, I didn't believe it.  Some girls moved out of my weight class, some didn't compete... The stars aligned that day.  After going 5/6 and winning, I still felt unsatisfied, like I should have lifted more to really deserve it.  Deep down, I didn't give myself the win.

 

That night my mom gave me a good talking to about what it means to win and celebrate.  This was the analogy:  

 

In the Stanley Cup Finals, if one team loses their top player to injury and the underdog wins, will the winning team still celebrate and consider that win to be theirs?  

 

Uh... DUH!  Of course they would!  Weightlifting is no different.  If an opportunity presents itself - take it!  Take it and own it!  I didn't let myself own this win, it didn't seem like I struggled enough

to earn it.  What a shitty mentality.  That was a hard lesson to learn and it took months to let it sink in.  (Side note:  moms are awesome).

 

The next competition was the Ogopogo (August 2016).  I PR'd my Snatch by 1kg after a year of training.  I was in a state of euphoria with tears of happiness.  Then I bombed my clean and jerk.  And I was in tears again...... This time for a much different reason.  What a fuckin' rollercoaster.  Ultimate high and ultimate low in less than an hour.

 

Leading into the Ogopogo I was struggling with mysterious shoulder pain and chronic neck injuries. The pain combined with the bomb-out performance  detonated in my head and threw shrapnel of self doubt, fear, and anxiety in every direction.  I thought I was losing my technique, my motivation, and my physical ability to fill out my potential as a weightlifter.  The fact that I earned 1kg in the snatch and 2kg in the CJ after a whole year of training finally sunk into my head and ate away at my mind.

 

I took 5 days off after that meet to head to Whistler and do nothing but hike, canoe, and swim.  I purposely tried to avoid the topic of weightlifting in my thoughts and conversation.  One morning I yawned too aggressively and flared up an my neck (no joke, I've done this twice by yawning).  The time I was supposed to use for recovery was instead used to drown myself in negativity about injuries and performance.

 

Coming back to training after that was easy because deep down I love weightlifting.  I started training for the Provincial Championships (December 2016).  It ended up being another lopsided performance.  I snatched well and was satisfied with my performance in that lift.  During the CJ warm up I injured my back and managed to lift 103kg in the competition.  I could hardly move afterwards and had to sleep sitting up in bed for a week. It plagued me for 6 weeks after with flare ups every time I lifted over 60kg.